“Why did that small comment hurt so much?”
“I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.”
“Was that just criticism, or did they mean they don’t love me anymore?”
If you’ve asked yourself questions like these in your relationships, you might be experiencing something called rejection sensitivity—a psychological trait that quietly undermines connection, trust, and self-worth. But what is it really? Is it even a thing? And how were we supposed to know about it? Let’s unpack this.
What Is Rejection Sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity is an intense emotional reaction to perceived or real rejection. It’s not just “being sensitive” or overreacting. It’s a learned pattern—often rooted in past experiences like childhood neglect, bullying, trauma, or inconsistent love—that causes a person to anticipate, perceive, and react strongly to the possibility of rejection, even when none is intended.
It’s like your nervous system is constantly bracing for abandonment—even in safe, healthy relationships. And when that fear flares up, it can show up as anger, withdrawal, anxiety, over-apologizing, or desperate efforts to gain reassurance.
Is This Even a Real Issue?
Absolutely. It’s been studied extensively in psychology and is especially common in people with past relational wounds, ADHD, anxiety disorders, and attachment trauma. Left unchecked, rejection sensitivity can:
- Cause misunderstandings in relationships.
- Lead to conflict over perceived slights or criticism.
- Sabotage intimacy and connection.
- Trigger cycles of shame, self-blame, and emotional shutdown.
It’s not about being “too sensitive” or dramatic—it’s about a brain and body that have learned to protect you from rejection by detecting it everywhere, even where it doesn’t exist.
Isn’t Rejection Just Rejection? Why Label It Rejection Sensitivity?
That’s a fair question. Rejection is a universal experience—everyone feels it. But rejection sensitivity is different. It’s not about the rejection itself, but the hyper-reactivity to the possibility of rejection. It’s a pattern that interferes with healthy communication, trust, and self-esteem. Naming it isn’t about labeling yourself—it’s about making the unconscious pattern visible so you can begin healing it.
How Do I Know If I Have Rejection Sensitivity?
You might relate to rejection sensitivity if:
- You often assume people are upset with you.
- Minor criticism feels unbearable or deeply personal.
- You constantly seek reassurance in relationships.
- You withdraw or lash out when you think someone is pulling away.
- You replay conversations in your head, wondering what you did wrong.
- Relationships feel exhausting or unpredictable.
If this sounds familiar, know this: you’re not broken. You’ve likely adapted this sensitivity to survive emotional pain. But now it may be keeping you stuck.
Starting the Journey to Healing
The good news? You can rewire this response. Healing begins with awareness, followed by safe therapeutic support. In therapy, we:
- Explore your relationship history and emotional patterns.
- Identify triggers and how they connect to past experiences.
- Build emotional regulation and communication skills.
- Strengthen self-worth and secure attachment.
Therapy isn’t about “fixing” you—it’s about understanding your story, gently unlearning survival habits, and learning to feel safe in connection again.
Let’s Talk
If rejection sensitivity is affecting your relationships, your mental health, or your sense of self, you’re not alone—and help is available. At my practice in Pretoria East, I offer a compassionate, confidential space where we can explore these patterns together.
You don’t have to carry this weight alone.
Reach out. Healing is possible.
—
Laurian Ward
Counselling Psychologist, Pretoria East
Supporting you toward awareness, connection, and emotional strength.
