Being single in today’s world often feels like standing on the outside looking in. Social media filters, romanticized relationships, and societal narratives have created a powerful illusion: that being in a relationship equals happiness and that being single equals lack or failure. But what if that’s not the truth? What if the real danger isn’t being single—but being afraid of it?
The Fear of Being Single: What It Can Make Us Do
Fear is a powerful motivator. The fear of being alone can lead people to make decisions that are not rooted in truth or self-awareness. It can push us into relationships that don’t serve us, settle for less than we deserve, or keep us stuck in patterns of longing, hoping someone will “choose” us. This fear can distort our sense of self—creating a persona shaped by rejection, comparison, and an internalized belief that something must be wrong with us if we’re not partnered.
Perceived Identity: “There Must Be Something Wrong With Me For Being Single ”
When society places so much value on romantic relationships, it’s easy to internalize singlehood as a personal flaw. We start to believe that we’re “not chosen,” that our singleness is a reflection of inadequacy. This is a dangerous myth—one that disconnects us from our core value as individuals. It falsely teaches us to see ourselves through the eyes of others, rather than through the lens of truth and self-love.
The Reality of Being Single—and Being Lonely
Yes, being single can be lonely at times. That’s a real and valid experience. But so can being in a relationship. Loneliness is a human condition, not a relationship status. The difference is that single people often have the space to confront their loneliness honestly, while those in unhappy relationships may feel even lonelier in the presence of someone else.
The False Reality: Social Media and the Myth of “Perfect Love”
We scroll, we compare, we idealize. Social media presents a curated version of people’s lives—highlight reels that rarely show the arguments, the disconnection, or the emotional distance that can exist behind closed doors. We look at happy couple selfies and assume they’ve “made it,” while forgetting that many of those relationships are struggling too. Marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness, and singleness doesn’t mean you’re broken. These are simply states of being—not badges of success or failure.
When Singleness Is the Wiser Choice
Sometimes, being single is not our preferred state, but it is the wiser one. It gives us time to reset, to heal, to understand ourselves. It gives us the opportunity to ask difficult but necessary questions:
- Am I repeating patterns, expecting different outcomes?
- Did I learn anything from my last relationship, or am I just trying to fill a void?
- Do I truly know what I want in a partner—or am I living in a fantasy disconnected from reality?
These questions can feel uncomfortable, but they are essential. Because the truth is, if we don’t do the inner work, we might continue expecting the world—or a partner—to complete us, validate us, or fix us. The world owes us nothing. But we owe ourselves honesty.
So, what are you attracting?
We attract not what we want, but what we are. If we are insecure, we may attract validation seekers. If we are unresolved, we may attract chaos. If we are in fantasy, we may attract illusion. The work of becoming who you want to attract is quiet, deep, and personal—and sometimes, singlehood is the very space where that growth is allowed to happen.
Being Single: A Neutral State with Empowered Potential
Being single is not good or bad—it’s neutral. What gives it meaning is how we choose to live within it. Are you enjoying it? Avoiding it? Growing in it? Hiding from it?
Maybe it’s time for a conversation.
If you’re unsure where you are on the “single radar,” and how much of it is choice versus fear, consider reaching out. Let’s explore where you are, what you want, and how your internal world is shaping your external one. In between looking inside and outside, we’ll find a piece of who you are—and who you want to become.
Let’s connect.
Laurian Ward, Counselling Psychologist
